If It Doesn't Serve You

I hear the phrase “If it doesn’t serve you” every single week from my Pilates instructor.

In class, she’s talking about movement. If your body isn’t cooperating, choose an alternative. Go back to the previous move. Listen instead of forcing.

Simple. Practical. No drama.

But somewhere along the way, that phrase became an internal compass for me.

Because outside the studio, many of us are forcing things that quietly cost us our mental health.

Now let me be clear. We can’t opt out of every uncomfortable situation. Growth requires some stretch. Caregiving certainly does.

But there is a difference between necessary responsibility and optional suffering.

So often, we hold tightly to people, routines, expectations, and roles that are no longer helping anyone. We cling out of guilt. Out of habit. Or out of fear of what might happen if we loosen our grip.

As caregivers, this shows up in familiar ways.

• Holding everything together without ever exploring what could be shared.
• Explaining the same decision for the fifth time just to keep the peace.
• Taking on responsibilities that were assumed, implied, or volunt-told you would handle.

None of it feels optional in the moment.
And yet, some of it is.
We tell ourselves this is just what love looks like.

Over time, love starts to feel like exhaustion, resentment, and a quiet loss of self.

In Pilates, choosing an alternative move isn’t quitting.
It’s listening.
It’s respecting your body.

Caregiving asks for the same awareness.

Not everything you’re carrying is required.
Some of it is habit.
Some of it is guilt.
Some of it is fear of what happens if you stop carrying it.

Love is not self-erasure.
Nor is sustainability selfish.
It is survival.

This is the work.

More to come.

Chef Maria