It's Not Fair
Sunday at church, our guest pastor shared a message titled, "It's Not Fair."
Well…if that title doesn't stop you in your tracks, I'm not sure what will.
Because if we're honest, couldn't most of us fill an entire notebook with things that didn't go according to plan?
- There was the promotion that never came.
- That one diagnosis that changed everything.
- The relationship we didn't know was nearly at the end.
- A devastating loss we never saw coming.
- Our dream that took an unforeseen detour.
Life has a way of handing out circumstances that feel wildly uneven and sometimes even punitive.
As I sat there listening, my mind wandered somewhere quite unexpected. It wandered to the photo I'm sharing with you this week.
Papa Kemp is sitting in front of my MacBook watching a video my team and I were hired to create for a client.
He dabbled in photography as a hobby for years, but the technology I shared with him fascinated him.
More importantly, he was proud.
I'm sure somewhere in the back of his mind he still saw the little girl who got so nervous about school she woke up with a stomachache most mornings. The little girl whose teacher assigned another student to be her friend. Now she was the main character in the video he was watching.
I got to share with him my excitement about being selected as a speaker for the BMW conference in 2023.
He knew things were beginning to shift, and he even counseled me on how to navigate some tricky situations.
What neither of us knew was that he would graduate to be with Jesus eight weeks before I ever stepped onto that stage.
Little Mama missed all of it:
- She never knew Speaker Maria.
- She knew Pastry School Student Maria.
- She knew Bakery Owner Maria.
- She knew Contractor Maria.
- She knew Daughter Maria.
- She knew Caregiver Maria.
But the work I do today that led to the transition from pastry chef to caregiver advocate was still years and many tears away.
The keynotes, the events, the videos. The opportunities I never could have imagined.
The conversations about caregiving, burnout, and the assumptions we make about one another.
The work I do today only exists because of my caregiving journey with them.
The two people who shaped all that I have become through that journey never got to see where it would lead.
And that's when the pastor's message title came rushing back to me.
"It's Not Fair."
Not because I'm angry. Not because I'm bitter.
But because sometimes life asks us to hold two truths at the same time.
It is completely possible to be grateful for what exists today and for the lives I now have the opportunity to impact.
And still wish I could share it with them.
I can celebrate the opportunities in front of me. And at the same time still miss the people who helped prepare me for them.
Neither feeling cancels out the other. Both are true.
Maybe for you it's not a parent.
Maybe it's a grandparent, spouse, friend, mentor, teacher, or colleague who helped shape your journey.
Someone you wish could see what came next.
- The promotion
- The degree
- The business
- The recovery
- The breakthrough
The version of you that didn't exist when they were here.
Perhaps that's one of life's quietest heartbreaks.
The people who helped shape us into who we became aren't always here to see who we became.
It's not fair. But it is real.
And if you've ever found yourself holding gratitude in one hand and grief in the other, you're in good company.
More to come.
