It's the Same Thing
Each week I kick around a few ideas for the newsletter.
Usually by Sunday, without fail, something crosses my path and makes the decision for me.
This week, it happened during a phone call on Monday morning.
I was getting quotes for a service I needed. Sure, I could have completed everything online and skipped the human interaction, but honestly, sometimes I just want to talk to a live person.
Under it all, don't we all crave human connection?
At some point in the conversation, the woman asked what I do for work.
I explained that after years of catering and shipping desserts around the country, I pivoted. Today I use storytelling, experiential learning, and yes, occasionally a pre-made dessert, to challenge assumptions surrounding working caregivers.
Without fail, whenever I tell someone what I do, they begin sharing their own caregiving story.
Yesterday was no exception.
After listening for a moment, she said:
"I know it's not the same thing, but I have a two-year-old daughter."
I immediately replied:
"Oh honey, it is the exact same thing. You are a caregiver."
Then I shared something I find myself explaining over and over again in keynotes, videos, and posts on social media.
The moment most people hear the word caregiver, they picture an elderly parent. Probably a little hunched over walking with a walker or a cane.
Yes, caring for aging loved ones absolutely counts, but it is only one piece of the picture.
Caregivers also include:
- Parents raising children
- Loved ones supporting family members with visible or invisible disabilities
- Adults caring for aging parents
- Those navigating the sandwich generation while caring for both children and aging loved ones at the same time
I tried not to launch into a mini-keynote, but the words came easily because I've said them so many times before.
Maybe that's because the misconception is so common.
According to Forbes, 73% of employees are balancing what they call a "secret second job" as a caregiver.
Seventy-three percent.
Yet many people still don't recognize themselves in that number.
Let's dig a bit deeper.
This week I chose a photo of my daughter on her third birthday.
Looking back, I can't remember exactly what that expression meant or what was crossing her mind when the picture was taken.
Was she bored?
Were the photos taking too long and delaying "time to cut the cake"?
Not thrilled about turning three?
Tired of being the center of attention?
Or was she channeling her inner Oscar the Grouch from the birthday hat?
The truth is, I don't know.
And if I asked the 30-something she is now, I doubt she'd remember either.
And that's what makes the photo so interesting.
We are wired to fill in the blanks and make assumptions we cling to as fact.
Isn't that what we do with every picture we see on social media?
With people we meet for all of five minutes?
With colleagues, teammates, and leaders in the workplace every day?
What about the employee who starts missing deadlines? Or the whispers that start:
"Did you see how distracted he was in the meeting?"
"She's just not performing like she used to."
We create a story about what we think is happening. But how often do we stop to ask what is really happening behind the scenes?
Let me point the finger at myself..
I was caring for a mom post-stroke with dementia and moving her between four different nursing homes when one suddenly said she had to leave.
I spent more nights than I can count in emergency rooms with my daughter and both of my parents because apparently medical emergencies never check my calendar first.
Maybe the person you've made assumptions about is managing a spouse's illness. Maybe they're:
- Supporting a loved one with a disability.
- Helping an aging parent stay independent.
- Quietly carrying responsibilities they never talk about at work.
That's one of the reasons caregiving remains so invisible. The assumptions feel true, so we stop asking questions.
And sometimes the story we create about an employee's performance has nothing to do with performance at all.
But the photo serves as a reminder that those caring for children under eighteen are caregivers too.
In today's world, sometimes even after eighteen, they remain under our roof or find their way back home, still under our guidance and very much under our care.
When we step back and look at all the different ways care shows up in our lives, caregiving stops being a "somebody else" issue.
It's not just about:
- An elderly parent down the street.
- A spouse navigating a health crisis.
- A neighbor caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease.
Caregiving isn't just happening to someone else's parents.
It's happening in our homes, our neighborhoods, our workplaces, and sometimes in the mirror every morning.
The problem isn't that we don't have caregivers.
The problem is that many of them don't realize that's what they are.
More to come.
